...right there with us all along.

I was downtown today at lunch and I saw a student and his grandparents. My grandmother Rebecca Newberry Carlos died in 1979 on New Year's Day. I was four. My grandfather Joseph Carlos, Sr. died May 16, 1986. I was eleven and nearing the end of 5th grade. My grandfather Edward William Nelson died in October 1991. I was seventeen and a junior in high school. My grandmother Eunice Stamps Lee Nelson, lost her battle with Alzheimer's Disease in August of 1999 on the first day of school.

I didn't really get to know any of them. I'm thirty five now, and I only have limited memories of them. I wish they were here, I truly do. I wish they had all seen some things that happened for my parents, and for my siblings and for me.

I wish they'd have seen me graduate from high school. I do. I wish they'd have seen my brother graduate from Greenhill. It was a glorious day, and the party...oh, man. Dad had a live band in the living room.

This isn't a blog to feel pity for myself, because death is a part of life. But, it would just be nice if they were all here. They could've seen Jordan get married, and Marjon graduate from Hockaday, Brown and Columbia. They could've known their children as they got older.

I think I get kind of jealous when my friends have relationships with their grandparents, because I don't know what that's like. For a brief period however, my maternal grandfather lived with us, before she eventually moved to a home in Dallas where she could receive better constant care for her condition.

I have to do better. I don't want that to be the case for my kids. I wish they were here though. I do.

I wish they could meet Lauren, and see her smile, it's truly unlike anything I've ever seen. I wish they could have seen me graduate from Morehouse and later graduate from graduate school for my next two degrees.

I'm tired of wishing though. I've wished all of my life. I've taken my eyelashes and blown them out of my palm after painfully plucking them from my eyelids while making wishes big and small. On the way to meet Lauren for the first time, I was walking down 22nd and I picked a dandelion up out of the green and blew it and made a wish. Wishes, wishes, wishes.

As I write this though, I realize that they are here after all. They're in every lesson I've learned, every story I've heard, they're in my laugh, my walk, my voice, my eyes, my brother's smile and my sister's style. They are a part of us even if we don't know it or even if we don't realize it. They're here. So, in that sense, they've seen it all, and they've been right there with us all along.